Eels and Pavarotti, Damnit
by Mad as Hell
Summary: Missing Scene from Urgo: Stargate’s infamous 'tenor lookalike' decides to meddle in our favorite archaeologist’s affairs. DanJan


**Title: **Eels and Pavarotti, damnit!

**Rating: **gah. Mild swearing.

**Spoilers: **Urgo, missing scene

**Disclaimer:** They don't belong to us. If they did, Meridian and Heroes would have never happened!

**A/N: **must download '_Damnit, Janet'_ from the Rocky Horror Picture Show ! Ignore the 'Brad' part, think 'Daniel'!

* * *

'What were the Egyptians like?' "what did they do all day long?' 'did they really wear eye make-up?' 'where's Egypt?' 'Why did you become an archaeologist?' 'Oooh, what's THAT?" 

"Shut up, Urgo!" A very exhausted Daniel dropped his head into his hands, shoving the artefact he'd been wanting to examine, roughly aside.

This one-sided conversation in his head had been going on for hours now. When Urgo had decided 'Sammy' was no longer entertaining, Jack wasn't very friendly and Teal'C was 'booooooooring', the computer-like hallucination inside their heads had stuck with Doctor Jackson instead. And stuck with him he had, constantly asking all kinds of questions. And not even waiting for an answer. Daniel wondered when and even _if_ Janet would able to help him.

"Janet? Who's Janet?" Urgo practically yelled.

"Urgo! I'm not deaf!" Daniel snapped back.

"But you weren't answering!" Urgo replied innocently. "I figured maybe you couldn't hear me very well."

Rolling his eyes, Daniel groaned. "I hear you, trust me."

"So." Urgo sat down and leaned his head on one elbow. "Who is _Janet_?"

"She works here." Daniel answered nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.

"Ha! That's not what you were thiiiiinking." Urgo laughed. "When can I meet her? Oh I know! Let's go meet her now!" Chuckling cheerfully, Urgo extended his arms, held up his hands and waved his fingers at Daniel. "Go….see…….Janet."

Automatically, Daniel got up from his seat and headed for the door before spinning around and marching back. "Why did I do that?" He asked Urgo, who gave him a shrug in return. "Oh..I don't know."

"You did that, didn't you?" Daniel said pointedly and glared at Urgo.

"It was merely…a suggestion, but you seemed more than happy to follow it." Urgo smirked.

"And yet again, you're being suggestive." Daniel muttered under his breath. "Look, could you just… go bother…Teal'C or something? Really, I have a lot of….'boring' work to do."

"Teal'C? Oh come on….you don't mean that, do you? He's even _more_ boring!" Urgo threw his hands in the air.

"You honestly think I care?" Daniel said without looking up from his work.

Grinning, Urgo walked over to him. "Nooo…_you _honestly want to visit…." His eyes widened in excitement and he smiled suggestively.

Again, Daniel felt himself momentarily loose control over his body, as he got up and walked to the door. "Damnit Urgo! Knock it off!" He stomped back to his chair. "Stop that!"

"Don't be ridiculous." Urgo said, unimpressed with Daniel's rising anger. "_You know you want to_…" He added in a sing-song voice.

"I do not." Daniel said, through clenched teeth.

"WOOF! You're even harder to convince than Sammy and Colonel Grouch." Urgo rolled his eyes, walking around the archaeologist's desk.

Daniel's eyes seemed to pop out of his head. "Wha-wha-WHAT? Sam and Jack? What did you do to them!"

Urgo shrugged happily. "Just had to get Mary Steenburgen out of the way. NOW, Doctor Jackson…….Don't you want to visit…..where-ever Janet……works?"

For the third time, Daniel's legs immediately responded and he found himself walking towards the door again. "See? I told you?" The sound of Urgo's voice tore him from his trance. "Damn you, Urgo! Damn you!"

"This is so much fun!" Urgo was laughing out loud now. "You have got to be the funniest person in your team."

"Gee, thanks.." Daniel muttered sarcastically. "Why are you doing this?"

"I just stopped by to see how you were doing, that's all." Surprised, Janet stood in the doorway to his office.

Daniel stopped dead in his tracks and spun around. "Janet! I.. um ..wasn't talking to you. That was…-"

"Urgo, yes I could have known that." Janet finished for him. "Nevertheless, I've watched you walk from your chair to the door and back 3 times now in the last 5 minutes."

Daniel smiled sheepishly. "Oh.. that." No way he was telling her that Urgo could make him act like a puppet when it came to her. "I.. um …kept forgetting something." That didn't sound too convincing.

"Oh…I see." Janet looked around for a moment, but of course she couldn't see Urgo, who was standing behind Daniel making heart-shapes with his hands and mock-swooning.

Daniel's face grew dark and he had to resist the urge to slap the creature, if you could even call it that.

Janet watched him intently, frowning as the expression on his face changed from annoyed to outraged. "……You okay?"

Urgo stifled a giggle behind his hands. " The doctor! Pretty woman! And she wants to know if you're okaaAaay! You know what. I like her. A bit small though…"

"NO…She's not…" Daniel snapped as he glared over his shoulder.

"Is too!" Urgo retorted.

Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, allowing himself just a couple of seconds to recollect himself. "….is not!"

"Pretty woman. She has really big eyes."

"She is and.. she does, Urgo, but-"

"And why does she wear a skirt?" Urgo interjected. "I like that! And what are those shoes?"

"High heels.." Daniel muttered uncomfortably, unsure why he was even answering Urgo's questions.

"Oooh. They look painful. Do you think they hurt? Have you worn them?"

"NO, Urgo! They're…for…women, only."

Urgo nodded. "I wonder what her height is, without the….eels?"

"HEELS."

Urgo giggled. "Ooh! I'm going to make Teal'C wear heeeeels!" He clapped his hands enthusiastically. "Ooh good idea, good idea!"

"What are you-?" Janet was still standing in his doorway, looking at him wide-eyed. "Is this…about me?"

"Ah! Janet!" Daniel said, startled as Urgo started the '_me_-song' in the background. "I'm sorry...that was…"

"Urgo again. Sorry, I should have known that. What's he saying?"

"Ooooohhh! Gotcha there, book-boy! Go on! I dare you! Say it!" Urgo danced around him. "I'll leave you _alone_ if you say it." He clasped his hands over his face. "See? Because I don't!"

"You know…leaving actually means leaving." Daniel desperately hoped Urgo would take the hint. For multiple reasons. "Door." He whispered to Urgo and motioned with his head in the direction of the exit.

Urgo sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Fine. I'll just be…." He walked past Janet on his way to the door, and suddenly stopped. "Oooh…I wonder what her hair smells like."

Daniel hung his head momentarily. "Urgo! GET LOST!" He yelled, as his face turned red in anger.

"Teeeheee! Going, going, on my way, half way out the door, three quarters out the door…! Out! The! Door! " Urgo's head reappeared around the door for a second and he winked at Daniel. "I bet her hair smells great!" Then he disappeared, as promised.

Janet, a worried look on her face, eyed the room suspiciously. "Is he….?"

"Gone." Daniel nodded in relief. "For now."

"Ok." Janet smiled carefully. "So…you are alright then?"

"Apart from that Pavarotti in robes, yeah I'm fine."

"Alright. Well, that's really the reason I stopped by." Janet hesitated for a moment, lingering near the exit. "I should probably go see if those scans are back."

Daniel looked from his right to his left. No Urgo. No high pitched voice, bad jokes, songs or annoying questions. "I …um….Urgo promised to leave me alone.. if I.."

Janet raised her brows. "If you what?"

He narrowed his eyes. What _did_ Urgo expect from him? "I'm…..not sure." He looked slightly pained.

"And…it involves me?" Janet guessed.

"That, I know for sure." Daniel nodded, unable to stop himself from blushing.

"Okay, well….what did he say, exactly?"

Daniel shook his head and laughed darkly as he walked back to his desk and sat down. Janet really had no idea. "Oooh Urgo says a LOT of things."

Janet seemed to consider this for a moment then walked up to his desk. "And what did he say about me?"

"Um…." Daniel arched an eyebrow as he turned in his chair. "Something about….heels. He…I guess he liked your shoes."

Janet glanced down at her feet. "Oh. That's it?"

Daniel noted with some surprise she almost sounded disappointed. "Well…you know…I forgot most of it anyway." He shrugged casually.

"Most of it?"

"Apart from the heels…yeah…I did, actually." Daniel said a bit uneasy.

"Okay.." Janet nodded, leaning against his desk. "So, he wants you to do something…with my heels?"

"What? No!" Daniel half-yelled. "I don't think it has to do with your heels."

Janet pursed her lips together. "But that's the only thing you seem to …recall, right?"

Daniel squirmed in his seat. "…..right."

'Daniel! I'm ba-hack! Miss me? I bet you missed me.'

Daniel cringed at the return of the voice inside his head. "Nooo….."he muttered.

'Oh yes! And if you don't SAY it now, I'll stay with you …forever! And ever!'

Daniel let out an angry, strangled noise. "Oooh…no."

"Daniel? Are..you…he's back, isn't he?" Janet reached out and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Daniel jumped a little at her touch. "He is…I mean he was, Uh…yeah…well…"

"Tell her!" Urgo's voice seemed to echo in his mind.

That did it. "He said you were short and I said you weren't, and he liked your heels, and skirt and said you were pretty and that you had really big eyes and I wanted to smell your hair!" Daniel blurted out and spun around while looking around the room. "HAPPY NOW!"

"You know, for a doctor you're not very smart. That wasn't what I wanted you to say, although I have to admit, _that _was funny." Urgo had reappeared next to Janet and was shaking with laughter. "You really are funny, Dr. Jackson."

"He…he liked my…skirt, big…eyes and heels? And….smell my hair, what…?" Janet said, confused.

"Urgo. Just tell me what you want me to do. Just tell me." Daniel sighed, taking his glasses and rubbing his tired eyes.

Janet glanced around her, as Daniel seemed to be looking at the space to her right. "What does he want?" She took a step towards her left and waved a hand in the air. "Is he standing over here?"

'Woohooo.' Urgo snickered. 'she can't touch me, but it's still fun. Say I'm standing behind her! Oh so funny!'

"No Urgo. Just tell me."

Urgo rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. I want YOU" he pointed at Daniel. "to tell HER" he jammed his thumb in Janet's direction. "what's on your.. miiiiiiind."

"Urgo, YOU have been on my mind for the past four hours!"

Urgo laughed. 'NOooooo, funny doctor. Tell the pretty little woman with eels and skirt….what you think about her?"

"HEELS Urgo! She's wearing HEELS!" Daniel gestured wildly as he jumped from his seat, scaring Janet half to death who also jumped up in response. "Not 'eels' but heels!"

Janet was clutching her chest, staring at Daniel in shock.

"And what are you doing anyway, playing cupid !"

At the mention of the word 'cupid', Janet arched an eyebrow then narrowed her eyes.

"Cupid?" she repeated as Urgo broke into hysterical laughter.

'Oooh, clever little woman! She's got you figured out. Oh, fun, fun fun!'

Daniel slumped back into his chair, a defeated look on his face. "Yes…._cupid_."

"Ah, I see. He's been trying to set you up…..with me?" Janet nodded, in understanding.

"I'm afraid so, yes."

"Afraid?" She repeated.

"Yes, well….no." Daniel stuttered clumsily. "Well, not…of you."

"Okay, that's good,…I think." Janet answered, getting more and more confused by the second.

"So um…that's what he's been trying to do." Daniel muttered. "Rather unsuccessfully."

'Noo no!' Urgo chided. 'Say something nice! Say something, romantic!'

"JUST…." Daniel raised his voice. "…..leave, will you?"

Janet glanced around the room, then shrugged. "I'm not sure if that was meant for me, but…three's a crowd anyway. So I'm just going to-" she pointed at the door.

"No, no, don't leave." Daniel said, reaching out and impulsively taking her hand. "If you leave, that means Urgo won't. Ever."

Janet stared at her own hand in his. "Okay, but…you don't honestly…expect me to stay with you….all day?"

"Why not." Daniel smirked, then his eyes widened as he realised that Urgo must have had something to do with his sudden boldness. "I mean…"

' holding hands, you're holdings hands! Ask her if she wants to be your….um…what exactly do you….._do_? Oh I know, press your faces together like Sam and Jack did!"

"WHAT? Urgo!" Daniel violently yanked his hand back..

Janet stared at her empty hand for a couple of seconds. "Okay, this is creeping me out. I have to go back to the infirmary. I'll come check up on you later."

Daniel glanced at the disappointed Urgo and then at retreating Janet. "W-wait! Janet. Would you…..I mean, would you….like…go out with me…sometime?"

He stared at her in shock.

She slowly turned around. "I….don't know…are you sure it isn't…Urgo?"

Daniel felt a sudden jolt in his legs and before he realized what he was doing he was already standing in front of her. "Damnit Janet….I….will you?"

She crossed her arms in front of chest and arched an eyebrow at him. "Loose Pavarotti and I will."

"Ooooooooooooooh goooody!' Urgo jumped up and down as Daniel and Janet smiled at each other sheepishly. "NOW; smell her hair !"

* * *

**The end, damnit.**


End file.
